Phần 6

     
In the game of trò chơi of Thrones, it takes a lot of time khổng lồ become no one. I"ve seen some grumbling that tonight"s episode negated everything that Arya Stark"s been up khổng lồ for the past two seasons, and I don"t think that"s exactly true — she"s become a formidable fighter; and has grown sufficiently jaded about the once-impossibly-mysterious House of Black and White (as have we, I think). She"s taken the useful bits of their teachings and kept them, while discarding that which doesn"t apply lớn her. Jaqen H"ghar tells her this week that she has successfully become No One (+25), but even without that distinction (and the implied face-related powers that come with it) she"d be a significantly different person. I just don"t know if we needed this particular training montage to lớn go on as long as it did.

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This "Game of Thrones" tín đồ Theory will change the way you seen Needles forever

It was always clear from the beginning that Arya would kết thúc up staying Arya; if only because popular Western entertainment is fueled by ego-driven narratives. But I"m getting ahead of myself: let"s start with Lady Crane. Our master thespian is going through that thing where you realize that all of your co-workers hate you và the only way to get back at them is lớn be hypercompetent even when you know the work is bullshit. I totally did this at the deli I worked at in high school. It"s clear that the talent imbalance is kind of throwing off the whole show at this point. But before she can give any serious thought to lớn switching productions, Arya Stark stumbles back into her life with those fierce eyebrows & a hole in her gut. Crane stitches her back up và offers to lớn give her a job with the company, presumably in the role of Sansa Stark, seeing as the last Sansa apparently slipped và got her face cut. A future of moldy wigs & genital warts & career-mandated Botox and two-dimensional female roles flashes before Arya"s eyes và she"s like "nah." Lady Crane gives her some milk of the poppy & this creepy music cue comes in và my first thought was, "Wait, is Arya about khổng lồ become a junkie?" I still kind of like this as a Z-grade crackpot prediction. This One Wacky trò chơi Of Thrones Online tín đồ Theory Will Change The Way You See Needles Forever.

While Arya sleeps, & Lady Crane rummages around for more drugs, The Waif shows up and ends her rather gruesomely (+20). What follows is a kind of ridiculous chase scene in which Arya, who is still bleeding và high as a fucking giraffe, manages to lớn evade The Waif doing the best T-1000 impression this side of the Narrow Sea. I don"t know how it"s possible for a soulless killing machine to be hammy, but The Waif preordered this honeybaked with relish. Arya eventually lures her to a secret chamber & kills her in the dark (+30) — because she"s capable of blind assassinry now, you know? She brings The Waif"s face back khổng lồ the HBW và Jaqen is impressed, but Arya is out of there — "A girl is Arya Stark of Winterfell, và I"m going home," she declares (+10). Hypercompetence amidst bullshit, etc.

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The Hound (who was never dead and does not get any resurrection from the dead points) isn"t hypercompetent so much as he is in possession of an axe. He axe-murders four nasty rogue Brothers Without Banners (Brotherhood Extra-Without Banners? +40) & chops the last one in the crotch, which means we got to see a shot of bloody guts falling out of a dick, I guess? This show! The guy won"t tell him where Brother Ray"s killer is, so he tells him, "You"re shit at dying, you know that?" (+5) và finishes the job. Later he comes upon our old death-cheating buddies Beric Dondarrion and Thoros of Myr, who, if he were drafted, would have gotten some points for the sweet new manbun he"s rocking. They let him kill two of the murderers they had strung up, though both we & The Hound understand this is much less satisfying than axe murder. Still, he gets another +20 và some new boots! Great week for The Hound. In all likelihood he"ll be heading north to lớn help the Brotherhood fight the walkers, which is bad news for the walkers và for anyone with any emotional investment in the fan theory formerly known as CleganeBowl.

We"re gonna need a bigger Violence

And not just because he"s going in the wrong direction — Cersei Lannister"s trial by combat is officially off the table. Perhaps it wasn"t so wise to show her hand by having The Mountain rip open the jaw of one of the Faith Militant"s lackeys (+10, +5 for style), as it certainly seemed lớn prompt a rethinking of this (admittedly pretty silly) legal practice. Cersei may choose violence, but if nobody else does at the moment, she"s going lớn need more violence. Like, a huge stockpile of violence. A huge stockpile of violence that Qyburn happens khổng lồ know the location of.

In Meereen, we get a minisode of my least favorite show: Tyrion Lannister & Friends. Once again we found the imp berating his tragically dull sidekicks into lightening up and eventually swapping jokes. (Tyrion"s: too Westerosi! Missandei"s: unfunny! Grey Worm"s: accidental!) At this point Tyrion is Reese Witherspoon in the worst scene from Cruel Intentions, an otherwise perfect film.

Oh, right, I should also mention that Varys has gotten the hell out of Meereen, on a "secret mission" whose first and last objective is probably just getting the hell out of Meereen. Varys is smart. So smart that I"m giving him +25 for removing himself from this situation. The other three teetered dangerously close to Lame Plotline territory, and would have been cursed to remain there if not for the arrival of The Masters" army và Daenerys Targaryen, finally. (Who else initially thought those ships were Euron Greyjoy"s & yelled "You"ve got khổng lồ be fucking kidding me" at their televisions? I know I can"t be alone.) Seeing as Tyrion"s negotiation tactics are probably to blame for this development, Grey Worm & Missandei are righteously pissed. "No more talking from you," says Grey Worm, for all of us (+10). Anyway, next week we"re probably in for some dragon-assisted warfare which means that Meereen is still kind of interesting.

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But the most interesting place to lớn be this week was Riverrun, mostly because that"s where the great Jaime Lannister-Brienne of Tarth reunion went down. Since these two were last in the same room, this "ship has become a cottage industry — even Bronn has Lannistarth Fever. "Do you think they"re fucking?" he asks his old pal Podrick Payne. "He"d fuck her, that"s for sure. And she"d fuck him, don"t you think?" (+5). No, Bronn, no. If Jaime & Brienne admitted their feelings for each other they"d just kiss và cuddle và smile at each other and it would be very sweet. As it stands, they are sort of at odds with one another. Brienne needs The Blackfish và his army, The Blackfish needs to keep Riverrun, & Jaime needs lớn take it from him. In the end, Brienne is unable to convince Brynden Tully to lớn leave the castle, but Edmure Tully is able.

Edmure gets extremely real with Jaime

See Jaime, as he"s done before after Brienne leaves, reverts to lớn his worst self. Jaime is lượt thích a child in many ways. When he"s treated lượt thích a good boy, he acts like a good boy — notice how Brienne asks for his word that he"ll let the Tully army go unharmed, when most others would scoff at the idea of his word being worth anything. But when he"s treated like a bad boy — or a Kingslayer, more likely — he readily assumes that douchebag mantle. This is particularly apparent in his exchange with Edmure, which starts off fine until the prisoner starts getting extremely real with Jaime. "Do you imagine yourself a good person, is that it?" he asks. "After you"ve massacred my family." The hits keep coming: "You understand, on some level, that you"re an evil man." (+10). "Tell me. I want lớn know, I truly do: how bởi you live with yourself?" (+10). It can"t be an accident that this tongue-lashing comes so close on the heels of Olenna"s grand dressing-down of Cersei last week. But Edmure"s words seem khổng lồ hurt more, perhaps because Jaime believes them on some level. "You think I suck? Let me show you how much I suck: I"m gonna throw your fucking kid over the wall of the castle!" This coming from a man with some experience in kid-throwing.

He frees Edmure (+25 lớn Edmure) và sends him to lớn the castle, & the dummies up there, bound lớn familial protocol, have khổng lồ let him in, against the wishes of The Blackfish. Once inside, he opens the gates khổng lồ the Lannister army, & Jaime Kingslayer Lannister takes Riverrun (+50) in the chillest coup of all time. Brienne, (to whom I"m awarding a bonus +15 khổng lồ for just generally being great in an episode in which she"s otherwise score-less) và Pod escape out the back, and we"re told the Blackfish dies fighting, but I won"t believe it "til I see it. He"s totally going lớn pull a Han Solo in next week"s "Battle of the Bastards" and wipe out the Boltons in a clean sweep. And even if he doesn"t, next week will be a big bloodbath for lots of people, so make your trades accordingly. In the meantime, I"ll be singing my sweet ode khổng lồ Jaime, most well-behaved và kindest boy in Westeros. You know that we trust you. Bởi vì that which you must do.

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The Verge"s league rankings: Loren Grush: 431 (Top scorer: Varys, 25) Kwame Opam: 417 (Top scorer: N/A) Andy Hawkins: 386 (Top scorer: N/A) Michael Zelenko: 300 (Top scorers: Arya Stark, 65) Kaitlyn Tiffany: 230 (Top scorer: N/A) Liz Lopatto: 211 (Top scorer: The Waif, 20) Bryan Bishop: 190 (Top scorer: Brienne of Tarth, 15) Jamieson Cox: 170 (Top scorer: Jaime Lannister, 50) Ross Miller: 155 (Top scorer: The Mountain, 15) T.C. Sottek: 85 (Top scorer: The Hound, 65)

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